


How Do You Spend Your Mornings?

by sraye96



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Character Study, Coffee Shops, Coming Out, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Meet-Cute, Minor Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Minor Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Minor Eddie Kaspbrak/Myra Kaspbrak, Period-Typical Homophobia, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-08 02:04:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21227987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sraye96/pseuds/sraye96
Summary: Eddie had never really been a fan of mornings. If anybody asked him - and they surely didn’t - there was no good reason to be out of bed before ten AM any day. But on a Saturday? Blasphemy. Weekends were made for sleeping in. It had been one of the things he fantasized about when he was being awoken by his mother at seven AM to get ready for morning mass on Sundays. Sleeping in until noon with no one to wake him up before he was good and ready, no one to set alarms on his watch to remind him to take his bullshit medication, no one to force him to go to a church he didn’t believe in.***Eddie Kaspbrak had been fairly content in his life since he started college. He managed to get away from his mother, make friends for the first time, and even scored himself a girlfriend. So why can't he stop thinking about a boy he met at Starbucks for five minutes?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Uh... Well, Hi there? This started as a funny little meet cute idea based off [this story](https://me.me/i/this-is-probably-the-best-story-to-ever-come-out-18447567) but then it spiraled into.... this. It's my first chapter fic and not even the one I outlined and researched for two days before starting lol. I hope y'all enjoy!

Eddie had never really been a fan of mornings. If anybody asked him - and they surely didn’t - there was no good reason to be out of bed before ten AM any day. But on a Saturday? Blasphemy. Weekends were made for sleeping in. It had been one of the things he fantasized about when he was being awoken by his mother at seven AM to get ready for morning mass on Sundays. Sleeping in until noon with no one to wake him up before he was good and ready, no one to set alarms on his watch to remind him to take his bullshit medication, no one to force him to go to a church he didn’t believe in. 

Okay so maybe he fantasized mostly about getting away from his mother, but sleeping in had been a massive perk that was directly related. It also made him feel significantly less like an asshole to picture college as his refuge where he was finally allowed to sleep all he wanted rather than his chance to finally escape his mother’s overbearing clutches. And he had gotten both! 

His freshman year of college had been an absolutely wonderful experience. He called his mother once a week, keeping her at arm’s length so that she still felt included but had no real sway on his decisions anymore. He never saw a single sunrise during his weekends except for the one occasion that Ben and Bill had convinced him to stay up all night drinking all night on their dorm roof only two weeks into school. That memory would forever be one of his favorites because after they took their stupid pictures of the gorgeous sunrise, the three of them made it to the closest dorm - Ben’s - and all collapsed into one bed. They’d slept until the sun had gone down again. When he’d woken up, Bill had made them all sandwiches with his own groceries and was writing a paper for class while Ben still snored, his arm thrown over Eddie and his face smashed into a pillow. It had been the first time he ever felt what love was really supposed to feel like - nurturing, empowering, protecting. 

That had set the tone of their friendship, if that’s what you could call it. The line between friends and family had been so blurred between the three of them from the very start. It was as if they had skipped the awkward part where they put their best foot forward, pretending to be nicer than they really were, and went straight to being completely comfortable being assholes with each other. 

It was probably Bill’s fault. Actually, it was most definitely Bill’s fault, even if he didn’t remember it. He had been the one to bang on Eddie’s dorm room door at three AM on a Friday night, confused as to why he couldn’t get his key into the lock and reeking to high heaven of whiskey. When Eddie had opened the door to scold whoever was on the other side, he was promptly pushed out of the way and Bill collapsed onto Eddie’s roommate’s open bed that never saw any use during the weekends. He was snoring before his head even hit the pillow and Eddie was honestly too tired to even question it. Surely they could hash out whatever the fuck his problem was in the morning. 

They had been awoken by pounding on Eddie’s door once again, this time at the much decent hour of nine in the morning. That time, it had been Ben tracking Bill down via rumors of a drunken freshmen pounding on a random door after he didn’t show up to breakfast. Bill had looked at Eddie, confused, before asking him to join them. They didn’t even exchange names for another twenty minutes. They’d been inseparable ever since. 

And Eddie, well, he thought the world of his new friends. His only friends. His first friends. He hadn’t had any in high school. After all, who would want to hang out with the weird hypochondriac kid whose mom was a frequent flier in the office to yell about how delicate he was and whose senior year curfew was 7 pm on _ weekends, _for Christ’s sake? Nobody, that’s who. Going to college hadn’t been the cure all he had expected it to be for his reputation as a loser, but being a loser was a lot more fun with two more losers. 

His new friends not only understood his strange loathing of mornings, they encouraged it. After they’d moved out of the dorms and into an apartment with the three of them, Ben started making breakfast every morning. Bill would make it on the mornings he stayed up all night writing, but most mornings it was Ben. Not that Eddie would have known who it was. He usually crawled out of bed well after they had finished their own food, a plate made and stashed in the microwave for whenever he woke up. His roommates didn’t stay quiet, but they didn’t need to. If he could sleep through the numerous fire drills that they’d had their freshman year in the dorms, they thought he could sleep through some music playing while they started their day. 

He loved them fiercely. Even before he told them anything about his mother or his past, they seemed to understand him in a way that no one else ever had. They never minded when he deep cleaned their fridge three times in one day during finals week. When his rants about the amount of germs on their video game controllers went longer than the normal five minutes, they allowed him to wipe them down with clorox wipes. The lectures about the dangers of alcohol poisoning he’d given them at a frat party had been met with smiles and nods while Bill tipped the bottom of his drink to the sky and did exactly what Eddie told him not to. 

They disagreed on plenty, but rarely did it ever turn into anything more than a few fond eyerolls or a shake of the head while laughing. Honestly, it should have been the first sign that maybe dating Myra Matthews was a terrible idea. When he told them about how she’d asked him on a date during his morning calculus class, they’d both been nothing but supportive. They coached him through his first date and made him stop changing outfits after his sixth one. 

But the day they met her was also the day they had the biggest fight they’d ever had. After talking to her for just fifteen minutes before she left their apartment, Bill despised her. He’d been loud in his distaste too, shouting about how Eddie was an idiot for even going out with her and how awful she was. While they yelled at each other, lashing out with vicious words neither of them really meant, Ben had quietly made them all tea before sending Bill to bed. He handed Eddie a mug as well before nudging him in the direction of his room. It wasn’t until he was halfway down the hall that he heard Ben sigh out, “You aren’t stupid, Eddie. But you make stupid choices sometimes. Hell, we all do. Just remember to keep making your _ own _ choices, okay?” The whole experience was one of the worst Eddie had ever experienced, so he kept them separate as best he could. 

Actually, that should have been his second clue that it was a terrible idea to date Myra. Their first date should have been one in itself. She had wanted to get coffee. Coffee was safe bet as a date, he’d been told by Ben, since it gave you time to talk with an option to leave at any time it was going sideways. That would have been fine. But she wanted to go for coffee at _ nine in the morning on a Saturday. _ Her eyes had been so hopeful when she asked that he couldn’t even bring himself to ask for a later time. He’d always loved making people happy and if coffee one morning with a girl from class would make her happy, well, then he could wake up early for one Saturday. 

But it didn’t stop there. After a fairly successful first date, Myra had asked for another one. Then another. She met his friends. He met hers. And it all felt so harmless at the start. It wasn’t until she introduced herself as his girlfriend a month in that he started to realize just what he’d gotten himself into. The whole relationship had been like he was swimming out into a calm ocean before he was suddenly sucked into the undertow. He’d been swept away with the current a chance to get his bearings. 

He didn’t ever remember asking her to be his girlfriend, but maybe they only really did that in books and movies. It wasn’t like he had any experience with girls or dating, so he just assumed that there was nothing out of the ordinary with how their relationship was going. He just thought that’s how it was. The sky was blue. Water is wet. Relationships happened whether both participants were willing or not. 

Eddie was almost certain he wasn’t a willing participant. He didn’t think Myra would be his type, if he had one. They didn’t have much in common. She didn’t seem to like his friends, who were the most important people in the world to him. That seemed to be mostly fine, seeing as they didn’t like her either. She didn’t laugh at his jokes, claiming they were more like locker room talk than she cared to hear - whatever that meant. He probably would’ve guessed he just wasn’t funny at all if Bill and Ben hadn’t had fits they were laughing so hard over something he said at least once a week. She didn’t like that he cursed so often either, saying it made him look vulgar. He supposed he could actually give her that one, he did curse worse than just about anyone he knew.

But the worst part about dating Myra was that for the first time in his three years in college, he had to wake up _ early. _ Their Saturday morning coffee date didn’t stay a one time thing he was doing to make her happy. It became an every Saturday thing, but more than that, it became _ their _ thing, according to Myra. That meant that he had to wake up early every Saturday to get coffee with a girlfriend he wasn’t sure he wanted and pretend he was happy to be there, because that’s just what relationships meant. 

Which is how Eddie found himself walking from the bathroom back to their place towards the back of the line, harshly rubbing at his bleary eyes as if he thought that might wake him up more than it had twenty minutes ago when he’d dragged himself out of bed. He spotted fiery red hair out of the corner of one eye and slipped his hand into Myra’s, still rubbing at his eyes with his other hand. “This line is crazy, why the fuck would anyone willingly get up this early for literally anything?” He grumbled.

Myra’s hand felt different than normal - smaller, more slender, and with longer fingers too. After a moment of studying their interlocked hands, he looked up to the woman attached the hand he was holding and it was most certainly not Myra. She was absolutely gorgeous, with short hair - he must have mistaken it for Myra’s, the color was so similar - curled and styled perfectly to frame her face. Her gray-green eyes were staring at him full of mirth. “You’re not my girlfriend.”

The good news? She looked positively amused, with her lips curling up in a smile that threatened to turn into giggles any second. The bad news? That meant that his girlfriend was watching this and she was probably not happy. “No, I’m not.” Her voice was full of warmth and affection, like she had so much of it that she could stand to give it out for free. 

“Honey, you’re holding the wrong hand.” Myra said sweetly, but Eddie wasn’t fooled. He knew that tone of voice. It was her just-wait-until-we’re-alone-so-I-can-properly-chastise-you tone. 

Nervous laughter crawled from his lips and he felt like the best way to handle the situation would be to simply make a joke out of it. So he asked her, “You sure?” The two women had wildly different reactions to that.

“We’re sure.” Myra said from a clenched jaw and gritted teeth, voice sounding more annoyed by the second. 

The redhead holding his hand, however, threw her head back and roared with laughter. “Oh my god, yes I think we’re sure.” 

He found that he rather liked her laugh. He would love to hear it again. So instead of obediently letting go of her hand and walking back to his girlfriend like he knew she wanted, he grinned at her and said, “Well, I’m sorry, but I feel committed to finishing this Starbucks experience with you. What are you going to get me?” 

“Oh honey, I’m not paying,” She shot back, trying to smother her giggles with the back of her free hand. 

“Damn.” He reluctantly dropped her hand and heaved a big sigh. “Well, I guess I’ll go back to my girlfriend then.”

Behind them, Myra let out a sharp _ hmph! _ before calling out, “Well, I’m not paying either.”

If he didn’t know any better, he would be laughing like the redhead next to him, but unfortunately, he did. While Myra’s tone could have been interpreted as playful, he knew that she was already upset with him for keeping up one of his jokes this long. There was surely hell to pay once they left Starbucks. An ass chewing to end all ass chewings. One that might even put his mother’s old tirades to shame. He took a deep breath to prepare himself to act happy through all of it. 

“Come up here, cutie, and I’ll buy you any frappuccino your little heart desires.” The man just ahead of the redhead in line said without looking back, holding his hand out to the side blindly and waggling his fingers as if to entice Eddie forward. He couldn’t see his face, but he admired the messy black curls spilling over his shirt collar. The shirt itself was another story; it was a garish orange Hawaiian print monstrosity. Despite his awful shirt, the main thing about him that begged to be noticed was how _ tall _ he was, standing at least a head taller than Eddie himself. He was all gangly limbs and Eddie was sure if he watched him walk, it would be similar to watching a newborn foal get its legs under it for the first time. Somehow, the idea was more adorable than it had any right to be.

A voice in his head - one that sounded suspiciously like his mother - told him to be a good boy and go back to Myra. That voice berated him for taking the joke as far as it had already gone. It tore into him for even considering taking the hand in front of him. 

But then another voice interrupted his mother’s voice. It was quiet, but firm, just like it had been when the words had first been said to him. Just like Ben was himself._ Just remember to keep making your _ own _ choices, okay? _

Silently, he took the advice and a step forward. Now two people ahead of his girlfriend in line, he took the man’s hand. His fingers were even longer than the redhead’s and they curled around his. His palm had to be almost twice the size of Eddie’s and it brought forth a silly saying he used to hear boys say in middle school. _ You know what they say about big hands! _

Shoving that thought down as far as it could possibly go, he looked back, catching the redhead’s brilliant grin and Myra’s sneer. “At least someone cares about me!” He called over his shoulder, holding up their joined hands. It got another laugh out of the redhead and another _ hmph _ out of Myra. 

When he turned back to the man whose hand he was holding and found him grinning down at Eddie. Thick, rectangular framed glasses were sliding down his nose as he stared, his gunmetal blue eyes shining with intrigue. A smile had been evident in his voice, but now Eddie knew why. Although the man was probably around his own age of early twenties, he clearly had smile lines that gave away the fact that he was almost always smiling. His front teeth were crooked, one slightly in front of the other, but for some reason, even that looked adorable on his face. 

Wait. Adorable?

That word kept cropping up in his thoughts in relation to that tall man without his consent and it was too much to unpack in a Starbucks at any time, let alone only thirty minutes after he’d woken up. So he opted to ignore it entirely and push boldly forward. “I’m Eddie, by the way.”

“Richie. Nice to meet you, Eddie Spaghetti.” 

Laughter bubbled up from his chest completely unbidden. “First off, don’t ever call me that again. Second, what are you, twelve?”

“I’m Bev.” The redhead behind them stepped around Richie to smile at Eddie again. “It’s nice to officially meet you, fake boyfriend.” Eddie felt the same ease he had felt with Ben and Bill at their very first breakfast wash over them in that moment. Richie and Bev seemed to click with him, just like his friends had three years ago. 

“So, what can I get for my two cuties?” Richie asked, holding out his other arm for Bev to link hers through. 

Eddie looked up at the menu like he didn’t know exactly what he was going to order. When he came by himself, he always ordered the same drink, but Myra always complained when he did because it was too sugary and insisted he order something else. Vaguely, he figured he should invite her into their conversation but he… found that he didn’t really want to. She probably would have hated every second of it. And if she really wanted to be a part of the conversation, she would elbow her way into it anyway. So he tried to shove down those thoughts too.

Bev grinned up at Richie. “I want-,” 

“I know what you want, Marsh! You get the same gross iced coffee every time we come to Starbucks.” Richie snorted, rolling his eyes. 

Eddie rolled his too out of fond exasperation. “Why did you ask what both of us wanted if you already knew?”

“Oh I love him already, can we keep him?” Bev giggled. 

Richie was looking at him again, his expression every bit as amused as Bev’s. “It’s called courtesy, Spaghetti Head. You’re still too asleep to realize how to remember how to do it, obviously.”

“No, no, I’m always like this.” Eddie could feel the cheeky grin that spread across his face as he said it. 

Somehow, Richie’s grin seemed to get bigger. “Lord help us all. Now what do you want? We’re next in line.”

“Java chip frap, please.” Richie opened his mouth and Eddie knew it was going to be a witty retort about how he was girly or some shit like that, so he added, “And it better be a venti. Don’t you dare skimp out on our first date.”

Bev ended up having to order all three of their drinks because Richie was still laughing as they walked up to the counter. He paid for all of them, just like he said he would, and they moved their trio over to the pickup counter to wait on their drinks. They were quickly joined by Myra, who was giving Richie and Eddie’s interlocked hands a dark glare. 

“Well, as fun as this has been, your hand is sweaty.” Eddie murmured, pulling his hand free. 

Frowning, Richie’s gaze darted towards Myra before resting on Eddie again. “Well, I could always sweat on you in other ways.” Although Richie was looking at him, Eddie was certain he said that for Myra’s benefit. And as much as he wanted to laugh about it, he could already feel the rant building up in Myra. 

He made a show of grimacing. “I think Bev can keep your sweat to herself.”

“Ew gross don’t make me have to deal with it.” She teased.

“I am a fucking catch, you’re both just blind.” Richie shot back, grin back in full force.

Eddie snorted. “Excuse me, your glasses have to be an inch thick. Where do you get off calling anyone blind?”

“Excuse _ me _, Eds, but I’m not the one who walked up to the wrong girl today. What’s your excuse?” Richie bumped him with his shoulder while Bev tried to fight down her giggles again. Richie’s name was called and she collected their drinks before dispersing them to their rightful owners. 

“Don’t call me that. And my excuse, if you must know,” He jabbed a finger into Richie’s ribs, “is that I haven’t been awake long enough to be held accountable for my actions.” 

Richie rubbed at where he’d been poked. “Or your fingers apparently! Grabbing stranger’s hands, stabbing innocent people-,”

“Are you claiming you’re innocent? Because we’ve known each other for approximately five minutes and I already know that’s bullshit.” 

All three of them were laughing again, but it was cut short by Myra’s voice. “Eddie! Language.” 

“Ah, sorry Myra.” He apologized, trying to look as sorry as he could. It almost definitely came across more chastised that apologetic, but there was effort. 

Myra’s name was called then. She grabbed her drink and snatched up his hand in one fluid motion. “Well, as nice as this has been, we ought to be going. It was nice to meet you both, really.” Her tone gave away that she definitely did not think it had been nice to meet them, but nobody commented on that. It did throw Eddie for a loop though. They usually sat at a two person table to sit down and drink their coffee before parting ways after roughly half an hour. Did she really want to get away from them that badly to interrupt the schedule she made herself?

“Well, Spaghetti Man, if you ever find yourself in need of someone to buy you Starbucks, you know where to find me.” Richie said, sprawling out into the nearest chair he could throw himself into. 

Bev nodded sadly, settling into the chair across from Richie. “It was so nice to see someone talk shit to Richie! It’s usually just me in the mornings and he can be a lot to handle. Come see us again, yeah?”

“I will do my best to never be up this early again in my life.” Eddie responded, grinning as Myra pulled him out the door. Just before the door shut, he heard more of their laughter and counted it as one of his most successful mornings he’s ever had.

He was given only a handful of seconds to adjust to the cold air that hit him before Myra started laying into him. “Eddie! That was so embarrassing. Everyone was staring at us. I can’t believe you pulled all of that in public.”

“Myra, it was fine! We made friends out of it too.” 

That had been the wrong thing to say. Myra’s expression contorted into one of absolute disgust. “Friends? You think I want to be friends with queers like that? Oh my lord, just think of what would your mother say if she had seen us this morning. She would have been horrified.”

He knew exactly what his mother would say because the nagging little voice in his head that sounded like her was already saying it. _ My son does not associate with dirty little gay boys. Or nasty little lesbians either. My Eddie-Bear would _ never _ do that. They’re both dirty and he’s a clean boy. He would never leave his girlfriend standing alone to hold hands with some fag and his gross lesbian friend. My little Eddie- _ It was just like his mother, only the voice never ran out of steam like she did after a few minutes. He heard it all loud and clear. And he hated it. 

“She would have been horrified, you’re right.” He mimed back to her. 

“I know I am, honey.” She nodded, looking pleased. “It’s okay as long as you don’t do it again. Now, can we go to your apartment to finish our coffee?”

She tugged his hand in the direction of his apartment and Eddie followed numbly, trying to drown out the lectures he was getting from her and his mom’s voice in his head. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he hoped against all odds that his roommates weren’t home to see Myra there.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Would you hate me if I was gay?” Eddie asked, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled over their apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2!!! I've updated some tags, because I forgot some at the beginning. In case you're wondering, I currently have six chapters written of this, but a big plot point is about to happen, so I really have no idea how many chapters this will end up being.

“Would you hate me if I was gay?” Eddie asked, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled over their apartment. 

Something clattered to the ground in the kitchen, followed by Ben apologizing profusely. “Juh-jesus Christ, Eddie.” Bill huffed, looking up from the book he was reading. “Where did that c-come from?”

He chewed on his lower lip, pointedly looking away from his roommate. “Well. Today, at Starbucks, I met a guy-,”

“Does that mean you broke up with Myra then?” Ben appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, looking moderately out of breath but extremely happy. “You broke up with her and you didn’t tell us?”

“Yeah what g-gives, Eddie? We wuh-would’ve thrown you a party. Or at l-least bought you drinks at a club.” Bill teased, smiling softly over the top of his novel. 

Heat rushed up his neck and when he caught sight of himself in the mirror on the other side of the room, he could see how red his face was. “No! I didn’t. God, why else would I have been at Starbucks this morning?” He rolled his eyes. “It’s like you guys don’t even know that I’m murderous before ten on weekends.”

“Then what’s this about a guy?” Ben asked, frowning now. 

“Well if you would let me finish!” Eddie countered, throwing his hands up. “Well, a lot happened this morning, but I met this guy and after we left, Myra was talking about how he was probably gay and how awful it was. And I guess I just wanted to know if you guys would, like, hate me? If I were gay.” He finished lamely, trying not to let it show how much their answer would affect him. He didn’t realize himself until that very moment how much it  _ did _ matter to him what they said. Surely that meant something. He chalked it up to not wanting to lose his best - and only - friends, but it felt like more than that somehow.

Bill raised his book back up like it was a wall that could hide him from Eddie. “Sorry, I’m n-not t-talking to you about your b-buh-bigot girlfriend or any of this.” It was colder than he usually was, even when they fought about Myra. 

Eddie turned to Ben. He had always been the more tactful of the two of them, but even he was struggling to keep his face neutral. “Well, I certainly don’t think that there’s anything wrong with being gay. Love is love, right? And love is great. I can’t see how anything about loving another consenting person is wrong.” He sighed, scratching at the back of his neck. “To answer your question, no, Eddie, I’m pretty sure you could stab me and I would assume you had a damn good reason to do it. I don’t think I could hate you for anything. And your girlfriend was being a bitch if she said anything else.”

“Tell me how you really feel,” Eddie joked weakly. 

But Bill took him seriously, slamming his book closed in his lap. “O-okay then, you-,”

“Bill,” Ben sighed, looking older than he had any right looking. He always played mediator and Eddie was suddenly aware of how taxing that had to be with people like them. Well, people like him who turned everything into an argument. 

“No, luh-let me do this.” He took a deep breath and Eddie was struck with the obvious wisdom in his eyes. For the past three years, Bill had been their de facto leader of sorts. With his stutter and his usually easy going nature, it was hard to remember why sometimes, but whenever he got that look in his eyes, like he’d seen more than his fair share of the world already, it seemed silly that Eddie would ever have questioned it. “Your m-mother controlled your actions f-for years. She was manipulative and m-mean and abusive and you never once d-duh-deserve to be treated like th-that ever again. Don’t you remember how h-h-happy you were when you got to c-college? How excited you were to sleep in and make your own d-decisions?” 

He paused, like he expected an answer, so Eddie nodded. “Why would you ever l-luh-let anyone take that away from you ag-gain?” Eddie opened his mouth to interrupt, but Bill leveled him with an unimpressed look and kept going. “Don’t lie to m-my face, Eddie. We’ve all seen how she t-talks to you even if you try to keep her away from us. Or us away f-f-fr-from her. She doesn’t want you to c-curse, she hates your jokes, she makes you go on d-dates you don’t even enjoy. She makes you w-wuh-wake up early on weekends, just l-like your mom used to!” Eddie’s mouth, which had been hanging open in surprise, snapped shut. He hadn’t really taken time to consider how similar their actions had been, but it was impossible to ignore once they’d been laid out in front of him. 

“And now, she’s t-trying to force f-feed you some homophobic b-bullshit and I bet you don’t b-buy for a s-s-second.” He hissed the s of second hard, his rising anger making his stutter worse. “B-but if you d-do, you might as w-wuh-well start l-luh-looking for another apartment b-because you wouldn’t w-want to be around a queer l-like me, would y-you?”

For the first time in their entire friendship, an uneasy silence enveloped them. Ben looked torn between comforting Bill and looking uncomfortable himself. Eddie was sure his expression was just pure shock. Not at the idea of queers or Bill being one of them, but at the idea that he might not want to be around Bill anymore. Nothing could be further from the truth for him. He would do anything for his friends and he knew they would do anything for him. At the end of the day, nothing else mattered to him other than the fact that he kept his small band of losers together. In that instant, he felt all his doubt about sexuality evaporate. If Bill was queer, that meant it couldn’t be a bad thing because Bill was one of the best people on this planet as far as he was concerned. 

“You want to get rid of me that bad?” Eddie attempted to joke again, but it fell flat. His voice was too thick with tears. Ben sank down on the couch between them and pulled them both into his arms. That small gesture meant the world to Eddie and he found himself melting into the embrace without a second thought. Hugging Myra never felt like this - like home. Like he could take on the world so long as they had his back. Like he was loved - or even liked, for that matter. No, her embrace was smothering. It reminded him of a house that never quite became home despite living there for eighteen years and medications he didn’t need and the antiseptic smell of hospitals. 

Ben squeezed him tighter against his side. “Eddie, you deserve to be happy and relationships are supposed to make you happy. Your partner is supposed to support you and love you for you. They shouldn’t want to change you or force you to do a bunch of shit you don’t want to do. You should date someone because you like them and maybe could see yourself loving them.” He rubbed Eddie’s arm and looked at him with a sad smile. “Don’t you think you deserve more love in your life?”

“Thanks for telling me I’m stupid.” It’s not what he meant to say, but he’s not exactly sure what he had meant to say. 

_ Thank you for accepting all of me, the weird germ phobia and all? Thank you for giving me a place to call home for the first time in my life? Thank you for always being there, even when you’re clearly mad at me? Thank you for loving me when I never thought anyone could? Thank you for everything? _ Those things all felt too big to say.

It was okay though. He could see on their faces that they knew exactly what he meant without him ever saying it outloud. They always had. So instead of letting the monumental moment worthy of the weight all the things he left unsaid happen, Bill cracked a small grin and responded, “Someone h-h-has to. You’re too duh-dumb to realize i-it otherwise.”

And despite the fact that they had been fighting for a month, laughter filled their apartment that night. Ben made them dinner, Bill regaled them in overdramatized stories from his week, and Eddie, well, he was happy.

***

That happiness carried over the next day, but Sunday was full of questions. 

“I thought you had girlfriends in high school?” Eddie asked over lunch. 

Ben tensed, worried that it might start another fight. Bill just shrugged. “I d-did. I like both.”

Chewing a bite of his sandwich, Eddie nodded like that made all the sense in the world. In reality, that didn’t make a lick of sense to him, but Bill said it so it must be okay. “How did you know?”

“That’s personal, right?” Ben chided since Bill had always been bad about indulging Eddie.

“How did you know you wuh-were straight?” And teasing him. He was also bad about teasing Eddie. 

Not that he ever minded. “I- Well, I guess that’s a good question.” He seemed to think harder about the question than it really warranted and Bill frowned. 

“ _ Are  _ you straight?” 

Frowning over his sandwich, Ben looked between the two of them. “You two aren’t going to hash it out again over this, are you? I can’t handle you both again so soon.”

“We aren’t going to cry!” Eddie rolled his eyes. “Nothing wrong with asking questions though, is there?”

“Not at all,” Bill said around a mouth full of sandwich. 

Eddie grimaced watching him eat. “Oh my god. Don’t talk with your mouth full. You’re so gross.” He threw a napkin at Bill and scoffed when he didn’t even bother to wipe his face with it. Without any warning, he added, “Do I have to be straight?”

“No, of course not, Eddie. You can be whoever you want and love whoever you want.” Ben said firmly. 

Bill nodded and then finished the food in his mouth to appease Eddie before speaking. “You’re stuck with us, a-asshole.” They all grinned at that. “And you c-can be confused and not know. The only things y-you have to know are that you’re our friend and your g-girlfriend sucks.”

“ _ Bill _ .” 

Despite Ben’s tone, Bill grinned again. “Am I wrong?”

“Well…” Ben’s gaze darted to Eddie, worried he would see anger or hesitation, but the fondness still written all over his face made him feel braver. He decided to be honest. “No. You aren’t. She’s the worst.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Whatever. It’s fine. I don’t think we’ll be dating much longer.”

For a heartbeat, none of them made a sound. Another heartbeat and then chaos ensued. Bill and Ben were both talking over each other, looking absolutely ecstatic. 

“So you’re going to break up with her?”

“Can wuh-we seriously throw you a p-party?”

“I want to bake a cake if we do.”

“Only if it s-says ‘Congrats on your b-buh-breakup’.” 

“Of course! That’s perfect. We’ll have a party this next Saturday. Perfect, right?” 

“I’ll buy so m-much beer.”

“You mean wine, because Eddie hates beer.”

“B-both, because we’re all getting trashed.”

All talk about anything that wasn’t the impending party ceased. Eddie figured that was alright though, he could always ask Bill about it later. For that moment, he wanted to enjoy the excitement with his friends and plan a raging party in their apartment that he would most definitely end up complaining about. 

They coasted on their emotional high through Monday; the day itself was uneventful, but they enjoyed their evening once they all made it home. Dinner was eaten together at the kitchen table, where they decided to watch a movie together before calling it a night. They all fell onto the couch in a heap, throwing one blanket over their legs and crowding in close to share the warmth. 

Eddie ended up falling asleep on Ben’s shoulder, only waking when the credits were already rolling across the screen and his roommates talking softly over his body between them. He wanted to enjoy the moment before bed, so he left his eyes closed and listened to their voices. 

“I’m worried about him. He’s been so happy the past two days. What if seeing her ruins that?” Ben murmured, tightening the light grip he had with his arm around Eddie’s shoulders. 

Bill hummed. Even with his eyes closed, Eddie could see the contemplative expression on his face in his mind’s eye. “I don’t th-think it will. He’s strong, you know? Stronger than us. He j-juh-just doesn’t know it.”

“I just want him to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy.”

“I know. We’ll be here for him n-no matter what.”

“That means no fighting with him if he doesn’t break up with Myra.”

“B-buh-being here for him and not c-c-calling him stupid if he’s being stupid are two different things.”

Ben snorted. “I guess you got me there. Alright, should we wake him up?”

“Probably.”

“You do it.”

“What? No, you d-do it.”

“He can take me. We both know he would kick my ass. He respects you, at least.”

“He doesn’t respect anyone right after he wakes up.”

“Fuck you both. I’m a delight to be around no matter what time it is.” When Eddie managed to crack his eyelids open, he noticed both his roommates looked wary for a moment, like he might bite them. He couldn’t stop the giggle that past his lips at that. “Stop worrying about waking me up and maybe start worrying about me finding out you’re talking shit.”

Bill immediately relaxed, shaking Eddie with the laughter rumbling from his chest, and Ben followed suit shortly after. They ended up bickering and laughing for another twenty minutes before they made it to their beds. Eddie fell asleep with a smile on his face and his heart feeling lighter than it had it weeks. 

***

The next morning started off wonderfully. Well, as wonderfully as any morning started for Eddie. He had dreamed he went back to that Starbucks on Saturday morning at a much more decent hour - he hadn’t known what hour it was supposed to be, but he’d been smiling when he walked it so at least after eleven. Bev and Richie had been there, already sitting at their two person table and laughing. Without any of the hesitation he would have felt awake, Eddie pulled a chair up and joined them. Shortly after, Bill and Ben called to them from a larger round table across the room. The three of them joined his roommates, five of the seven chairs at the table filled. He was sandwiched between Bill and Richie, which was exactly where he wanted to be for the rest of his life. At least, so his dream self decided.

Ben and Bill both had classes before him, so he was expecting the empty apartment and quiet morning. He hadn’t expected the note in Ben’s tidy handwriting on the counter that told him breakfast was in microwave and his lunch was made, already in his backpack. At the very bottom, Bill’s chicken scratch had wished him good luck breaking up with Myra. If he hadn’t already felt like he was able to take on the world, he did after that. 

While he appreciated the kindness, he had to rush through breakfast. Since his roommates weren’t there most mornings to force him to eat right after he woke up, he only gave himself enough time to style his hair and pull on clothes before sprinting to the bus stop. He scarfed down his waffle in record time and made it out the door with just enough time to catch the bus before it closed its doors. 

His panic set in once his ass hit the shitty plastic seat. It was a hard knot of nerves rolling around in his stomach and it seemed like the further he got from his apartment, the tighter the knot became. Anxiety and Eddie were old friends at that point, but it didn’t make the feeling welcome. Most of his bus ride consisted of mindfulness exercises that he never really felt like helped, but he did without fail every time anyway. 

By the time he stepped off the bus, the knot had doubled in size. It was now taking up almost his entire stomach. He felt like if it got any bigger, he’d surely lose his breakfast in an attempt to make room for the mounting unease he felt had made home in his abdomen. But no matter how sweaty his palms were or how nauseous he became, he was determined to talk to Myra after their lecture. 

He had caught a later bus than usual to make time for his breakfast, so class had already started as he pushed the door open. It felt like all the eyes in the room were on him as he crept as silently as possible to the back row, but he knew only those nearest the door had actually turned to him. Myra was sitting in the third row taking notes, her backpack thrown in the chair she had been saving for Eddie. She didn’t look up when he entered the room, but when he sat down and his chair groaned loudly, she did. For a moment, her expression was neutral and he felt bad for a split second that he had been preparing to break up with her over something so trivial. Then, her expression contorted into something that said  _ We’ll be talking after class _ loud and clear. 

For the first time, the knot in his stomach loosened a smidge. He was still nervous, on edge, and ready to bolt at any second, but he was also confident that he was making the right decision. That would have to be enough to get him through the rest of the class. 

And it was. He managed to take halfhearted notes at first, but quickly ended up doodling to stave off ay thoughts about what was going to happen after class. By the time all eighty minutes of class was over, he’d filled two full pages with notes and silly drawings. Actually, he’d gotten so into his last drawing of an old truck underneath the last integral example their professor had given that he was still bent over his notebook by the time Myra had stormed up to him. 

“Where were you this morning? I saved you a seat, but you showed up late to class!” She hissed cooly, before glaring down at his notebook. A girl at the desk to his left winced and gave him a sympathetic look before hurrying out of the room with the rest of the students. “Are you serious? You didn’t even take notes? You just drew a bunch! Why did you even bother showing up?”

Eddie would’ve been asking himself that too if his mission hadn’t been that exact moment. “I came because I needed to talk to you, Myra.”

“What about, Eddie?” Her voice became sickly sweet at his name, a complete turnaround from the sharp tone she had before. 

“It’s just.” He heaved a sigh and closed his eyes as if that could protect him from the next few moments in his life. Or so he wouldn’t have to see her face fall with his next words. Or both. Probably both. “I think we should break up.” It all came out in one breath, more like one word than one sentence.

It was quiet for so long that Eddie risked peeking to make sure she hadn’t just left. Myra stood exactly where she had been when he closed his eyes, only now her mouth hung open like she wasn’t quite aware that her jaw had dropped. Once she noticed his gaze, tears began to fill in her eyes. “Eddie-Bear, I-,”

“Don’t call me that, please.” His voice came out small and he felt weaker than he had since their coffee date. He’d always despised that nickname. It had been the one his mother had used when she wanted something from him. Usually that something had been obedience, although sometimes it had been his attention. “I think it’s for the best. I don’t think we make a good match.”

“Is this because of those friends of yours? That William boy is going nowhere in life with an English degree. And Ben? He’s too soft. They can’t take care of you forever, Eddie. I want to though. Let me take care of you.” Her face screwed up in disgust when she talked about his friends, but in a flash was covered up by an imploring look. 

That flash of disgust had been enough though. The knot in his stomach was completely forgotten as another emotion took up residence in his chest. Red hot fire spread through his veins as he let his anger take over. He might put up with a lot from just about anyone, but  _ no one  _ was allowed to insult his friends while he was around. “You don’t know  _ anything _ about them if you think Bill isn’t going to be an amazing writer one day. He’s already published three of his short stories  _ this year _ ! And Ben might be soft hearted, but he’s one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. The two of them have been there for me through everything. They’re my friends for a reason.” He was fuming now, stuffing his notebook into his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder. Pushing away from the desk, he stood to his full height and leveled her with a glare. “And I don’t need anyone to take care of me. I can do perfectly fine on my own. Don’t talk to me anymore.”

“Eddie-Be- Eddie, wait!” She called after him, but he had already pushed the door open and stepped out, leaving her alone in their classroom. 

His next class passed in a blur. He tried taking notes again, but they turned into more, less anxious doodles. The sandwich that had been tucked into his backpack while he slept had seen better days after he squished it with his notebook in his hurry to leave earlier, but he ate it happily in his last lecture of the day. His newfound singleness had settled into his bones at that point and he felt lighter than air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catch me on Tumblr at [SRaye96](https://sraye96.tumblr.com/) or on twitter at [Raye96s](https://twitter.com/Raye96S)

**Author's Note:**

> Catch me on Tumblr at [SRaye96](https://sraye96.tumblr.com/) or on twitter at [Raye96s](https://twitter.com/Raye96S)


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